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4 Steps to Becoming More Confident


Never bend your head. Always hold it high. Look the world straight in the face.

— Helen Keller

This is something I struggled for many years as many people do. And it took on many forms throughout my life. I didn’t want to get into relationships, I hated the way my body was, didn’t go after things I was interested or passionate about out of fear of not being good enough so I settled for something I knew I could do though I wasn’t passionate about it, and I became very depressed. I don’t want others to feel that same way. So these are just some things that I’ve gone over the past three years to rebuild my confidence.

Step One: Fake it Until You Make It

The most beautiful thing you can wear is confidence.

— Blake Lively

I put this step as the first one as I’ve found this to be the most successful as over time the confidence you project becomes your real confidence. But you need to go through the other steps as well in order to have the full effect.

Confidence comes from discipline and training.

— Robert Kiyosaki

So you filter everything through the lens you want to have. What are you thinking about when receiving a compliment? If it’s negative, replace it with something a confident person would say or think. Emulate confident people’s attitude, posture, and tone without losing yourself. This way you learn how to be confident while still being true to yourself. It’s like practicing confidence though you don’t feel confident.

Step Two: Discover What You Want in Life

Believe in yourself! Have faith in your abilities! Without a humble but reasonable confidence in your own powers you cannot be successful or happy.

— Norman Vincent Peale

First figure out what you’re good at and find enjoyment in. For me, I’m really good with computers, but don’t always find enjoyment in working with them. Which was very hard for me, as it felt like it was the only thing I was really good at that I could make a honest earning off of. So I went to college for this and work in this field. So some days it’s great and sometimes it’s not. But you have to evaluate what you want out of your life. This is basically the process I went through.

  1. What am I good at? Computers, art, and writing.
  2. What do I find true enjoyment out of? Art and blogging.
  3. What can I make a living off of? Computers.
  4. Can you do the items you enjoy on the side? Yes.

So I decided to do computers as my main job while the others are hobbies that I treat like a second job. With plans to making them into real jobs in the future such as blogging. My goal one day is to make a real living off of blogging. But I know that might not be for years in the future.

Step Three: Face the Unknown

Human spirit is the ability to face the uncertainty of the future with curiosity and optimism. It is the belief that problems can be solved, differences resolved. It is a type of confidence. And it is fragile. It can be blackened by fear and superstition.

— Bernard Beckett

Once you’ve discovered what you want out of life through going through all the things you have strengths and enjoyment in. It’s time to act upon it. And there are going to be a lot of unknowns going forward.

You may lose jobs, relationships, or health in the process. But if you don’t take the chance to do what you want then you’ll never get it. You have to plan for the unknown and choose to continue forward to make those dreams a reality. I know I will never be blogger than makes a living off a blog, if I don’t blog. Or if I don’t invest time into building up a community or network with others. When you plan for the unknown, the weight is taken off of your shoulders and makes it easier to be confident with doing the items you want to achieve.

Step Four: Except Success

Confidence comes from success…But confidence also combines another quality because you can be successful, yet lack confidence. It requires a mental attitude shift to an expectation of success. And this alone, can bring about more success, reinforcing the confidence. It spirals from there.

— Jason Hihn

You will never be successful or confident if you always think you’re going to fail. Even if you aren’t seeing things going as fast as you expected, find successes in the little things to help build your confidence.

So for instance, I’ve had this blog for almost a year but when I dedicated more time to it in December and made it a focus as I wanted, I found more enjoyment which was a success of it’s own. Then I saw the subscribers go up from 5 to 29. It may not seem like a lot but to me it’s everything because others are enjoying something I’m enjoying even if I don’t see hundreds of comments or likes. That doesn’t matter to me. Just knowing that people are coming back to read what I’m writing gives me fulfillment. 

What are some of your tips for being confident or gaining confidence?

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