I have been shy my entire life. I used to force my sister to ask waiters or waitresses at the restaurants to ask where the restroom was for me, because I was too shy and scared to do it myself. And that’s never changed. I was always the quiet kid in class to the point where they my creative writing class joked that I had to be a stoner, because I didn’t talk. When really, I didn’t talk because I was too shy to and didn’t want the attention of my classmates. So I focused on my writing and it’s always been something that I feel no pressure about. Same goes with painting, as you can be open about anything without feeling the pressure of social situations. And I would say this is still a true statement even today with my blog, I’ve become quite a wallflower blogger. I don’t like hyping myself or blog up to others, if someone else enjoys a post then that’s enough… but of course no one is going to read it if you don’t put yourself out there. I got the idea to write this post from From Roses who discussed this same topic over on her blog.

What is a wallflower?

a shy or reserved person

But it’s more than just that. It’s going to social events but staying in the sidelines or keeping to one’s self. And this goes with blogging as well. Wanting to be in the blogging community but being too shy or scared to join it on Facebook or Twitter. Or just in general not knowing what to say to others. It comes down to a fear of being irritating to others or what they’re going to think of you. And I love being in social situations, but find it hard to make conversations if I don’t know everyone there super well. As I literally don’t know how to start a conversation. When I was in a sorority it was easy during rush week as there were specific topics I could start with to branch off from. But without that, I don’t know where to begin. So I end up just standing in a group and listening to the conversation rather than joining in it. Which is where I guess my fears come into the blogging community. Because the blogging community is absolutely huge and when it comes to events etc, there is a vast amount of people whereas I thrive when it’s either a small group or one on one.

So how can the two work together?

I see other people do it all the time. They create long-lasting and meaningful relationships throughout meeting at events. And I wish I could get past my fear to join them in that. As I’ve mentioned, I’m terrified of reaching out to people more than the occasional response to a comment or tweet. Connecting with others on a surface level can be easy, let’s say you like the same foundation or something like that. But creating a meaningful friendship certainly isn’t as easy and when you reach your 20’s those are the friendships that you crave. Because your time is a lot more limited then it was when you were at school so I’m sure most of us want to spend our already limited time with awesome people. And within the last year, my meaningful friendships have vanished. I wouldn’t say I don’t have friends, but the ones that are meaningful to me are people that live no where near me. Which isn’t bad, but it can get frustrating and lonely at times since they’re in different time zones.

Is being a wallflower a bad thing?

No, being a wallflower is not a bad thing. It’s just a different way to navigate life. Feeling shy and wanting to stay on the sidelines a little more is perfectly normal, but when it’s something that is making you unhappy and feel regretful about certain situations then it isn’t so great. So striking a balance between the two is key, because when you find yourself feeling this way I truly do believe that it is often down to your personality as well as a few other things that can be changed. I know that because I’m an introvert in real life as well as on the internet I don’t find myself thriving in social situations like most do which is fine because that’s who I am. I still enjoy those situations but they don’t give me energy and I recharge when I’m alone. But not having the confidence to reach out or worrying that I’m being irritating or interrupting someone is definitely something I can get to work on.

A lot of people see being shy or reserved is a negative thing, as it’s not their way of life. Or they think those people come off as standoffish when it’s not actually the person’s intention. Being more open to the fact that we all act in our own way is so important and it’s no different in the blogging world either. And something that I always like to remember is that just because you might be talking the loudest that doesn’t mean you’re the most important person in that situation. Often times the quiet people have the most interesting things to say or the funniest if given the chance.

Do Your Own Things

Every blogger will give you a list of do’s and don’ts. And over the years I’ve added to that as well trying to fit into the community. But honestly, I felt the happiest towards my blog when I did things my own way. From how I run my blog to what types of photos and posts that I do. And I find that so much more interesting when someone does something different from the others. Some like to be the focal point of their blog while others spend hours styling still life images. Either is right or wrong. It’s just preference. I like a little bit of both and it really just depends on what type of blog post I’m writing. There are undeniably different tips and tricks that we can pick up from other people sharing their process that we can implement in our own process but going with your heart and doing what feels good to you is the most important thing because it shows. But overall, everyone needs to follow their own journey to find their own success. As the same formula never works the same way twice. Trust me when I started blogging, I tried to be like all of the big bloggers I was reading and I hated it in the end. It wasn’t me and it didn’t work.

How to Promote your Blog as a Wallflower Blogger

I used to try the retweet option but it never brought anyone to my blog. Then I did the follow for follow thing, and sometimes still join in them on Twitter. For the most part, I don’t see a lot of engagement from these. There is some but you join one and gain followers then either half unfollow or never interact with you again. I try to make it a point to interact with most of the people that I followed through these, as then maybe they were a little more meaningful. But don’t think you suddenly have to change to tweeting every 15 minutes about what you’re up to, because it’s totally fine to have a life offline as well. If someone finds your lack of tweets or lots of tweets irritating, then they aren’t a person for you.

With this being said there are different ways to promote yourself without feeling irritating or uncomfortable, it’s a necessary part of being a content creator whether you are a streamer, blogger, or YouTuber. No one is just going to find your work if you don’t put it out there. Especially since the online world is so busy these days. So what are those ways?

1. Join blogging pods on Twitter. Try a follow to follow or follow all those you find interesting threads, so you can interact with them later, making them more likely to see your self-promotion items in the future. OR there are pods that discuss specific topics, join in the thread and you can meet some interesting people. Plus there’s already an ice-breaker to make you feel more comfortable.
2. Join groups on Facebook. Often times you’ll find a group of people that help you out with your blog or teach you how to make better promotions in the future. Or inspire you to try something different.
3. Don’t spam your work. Sharing your work online is great but make sure you’re also doing other things or people will be put off by it.

Love ya,

Mae Polzine

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