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Growing up I used to always want a large group of friends or be part of the IT crowd. But that wasn’t me, I got offered to join once. After one afternoon with them, I couldn’t stand the backstabbing and left. While I did have my own group of friends and at one point joined a sorority in college, as I’ve grown up I’ve become more of a lone wolf. Not that I don’t mind other wolves being around, but I’m ok with the fact a large majority of the time I’m alone. And I don’t find that weird or lonely.
A lot of people when they think of loner they depict someone dangerous plotting something in their basement. It’s very stigmatized and honestly I didn’t want to consider myself a loner or a lone wolf (as I like to call it) for a long time. But it’s nothing like that, it’s just enjoying being away from others and recharging your energy alone. Basically just an extreme introvert. Meaning I converse energy or recharge when I’m alone. I’m not comfortable in large social events though I can force myself through it. But that’s in a controlled environments, in uncontrolled ones where I don’t know people I freak out and just want to be anywhere else. And I shy away in those instances.
There are some things that I honestly can’t stand doing with others. Shopping being the main one as I can’t stand going with others as no one can agree on the shops to go to, or others take much longer or shorter than you do. And not always do their patience and yours match in certain stores. In particular I will not shop with my sister, as I want to just pound my head in a wall for like three hours as she can never make a decision on what to get. And won’t decide even after I give my two cents. This also goes for grocery shopping as I hate having to discuss what food to get especially as I’m an extremely picky eater. My mom and I will argue over what to get a lot as well as judging each other for what we want. So going alone is wonderful! The last thing I love to do alone is going for a walk with the dogs. Particularly just Pixie as Winnie is such a handful on walks that they are just stressful. But Pixie is amazing to walk with as you can just get lost in your thoughts.
As I mentioned, I used to be in a sorority so I used to be surrounded by people all of the time but I knew all of the people. They were like family to me. And I don’t mind being in social situations but it’s not the first thing that I think to do on a Friday night. Honestly I would rather crawl into bed with my dog and a good book, or sitting at my computer playing a video game. At the moment that game being either The Sims 4, Alice: Madness Returns, or We Happy Few.
“A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval.”
– Mark Twain
As part of being a loner, you are well alone. So you have to have a good relationship with yourself or you will tear yourself apart. I used to tear myself apart and notice to focus on every single flaw. But you need to figure out how to love yourself to be healthier. Honestly you do have a relationship with yourself, like any other human relationship. It has positives and negatives, but ultimately you need to be at peace with yourself. And yes, that can be difficult. I find it bloody difficult to deal with at times considering I have Bipolar Disorder Type II. And a lot of anxiety as part of that to deal with on a regular basis.
Love ya,
Mae Polzine
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