Let's Talk About...

I don't know what to title this blog post. And I have half a mind not to even post it. As I feel like my blog has become very editorial through my own doing, but it makes writing personal blog posts a lot harder. So I've been debating on stripping back the blog a little and throw away the editorial calendar. Don't get me wrong I'm still going to do reviews and whatnot. But the way it's been going is a bit too much for me. And doesn't feel personal anymore. So I'm hitting the reset button. I hope you don't mind.

So to begin with I'm going to get probably way too personal.

If you've followed my blog for a while you would know I have Bipolar Disorder. And for about four years I have been going un-medicated and without therapy, after dealing with way too much anxiety over treatment. I didn't feel like my emotions were my own so I threw away all the pills and didn't step foot back into a doctors office. But it's been getting worse over the past year, and I've known that. Every time another cycle happens, I tell myself it's not as bad as it used to be and that I can get through it... This time is different. I've lost all motivation and can hardly concentrate on anything. My memory has also vanished on me which is common for depression. So much so my roommate has to remind me of like every thing we've planned together or I forgot completely to mention something. But I honestly swear I mentioned it. I don't have thoughts of suicide, don't worry. But I am struggling with an old urge/addiction of mine to cut, I've been sober of that for four years so I really don't want to break that. I was really proud of myself for that to the point I completely shoved it out of my mind. Now the thoughts come back almost on a daily basis during this depressive phase. Basically I have like every symptom of a depressive phase and can't bring myself to call up a doctor to make an appointment.

So if I don't post often the next few weeks, that's why. I just can't find the motivation or inspiration to write anything down. I'm going to try my hardest to blog but some days I just can't make myself. And that's really why I wanted to write this post. One, to let you know what's going on behind the scenes. And two, so you know why I'm not posting every day or switching things up.

I also haven't said it in any other blog post, I've been also helping my mom deal with the fact that my dad around the time of their separation/divorce decided he didn't care about certain things. He was also very heavily drinking as per usual. So he decided to in a way spite my mom by lying on their taxes since she couldn't file separately. Without consulting her, he submitted them electronically and lied about a bunch of things. Well the IRS found out about this and now my mom gets to deal with all the legal things from that. And after many months of trying to take everything through the court system, they decided they would rule in favor of my father. So my mom gets to pay the whole god damn thing, which is basically everything she has in her bank account. Not to mention, he also didn't take her name off the house she lost in the divorce to him then didn't pay for several months so her credit is toast. Yeah... that's been fun to deal with. And that too is in the court system trying to get sorted out so my mom can stop dealing with his pain in the ass.

Hope you all have or had a great day!