To be honest, this month has been very stressful financially. It’s made me revalue things and starting next month’s I’m going to attempt to adopt a more minimalist lifestyle. From not buying things unless they are truly needed and getting rid of all the unnecessary excess that I’ve been holding onto. Like sweatshirts that I’ve had for years but never thrown out for sentimental reasons. I’m going to be donating around half of my closet and majorly weeding through all the other things in my room. It’s going to be hard but I think I can manage it. I also need to do the same with the boxes still sitting at my mom’s house. I don’t even remember what’s in them so most likely it will all go. Another reason I’m adopting part of this lifestyle is to stop my terrible shopping habit and this lifestyle would definitely enforce that. As with my depression/hyper manic phases of bipolar disorder I either go ham on shopping when I’m manic, because it all looks so good and I literally don’t even think about what’s in my bank account. Or when I’m depressed then I think “Oh I should get myself something nice to cheer me up.” And both happened this month. So I don’t really know if the minimalist lifestyle will help stop that or just make me feel like a failure. But I’m not going to go so minimalist that I can’t get things that I generally want to try.
At the beginning of the month, my roommate got a concussion while on her lunch break and had to get several staples in her head. So of course, being the good roommate that I am, I took her to the hospital and stayed home with her immediately afterwards to make sure she was good. All I can say is, I do not want to go back to the hospital any time soon. Last month was for Pixie and this month was for Rose. So Rose/Pixie/Kiki/family, this is all I have to say to you, “I kind of want a break guys. No hospitals for rest of year.”
Also at the beginning of the month I got fed up with my hair. I hadn’t dyed it in a year and the balayage grew out to the put of being a really bad ombré. And I just generally hated it. I couldn’t stand looking at the color anymore and decided to bleach my hair. Now I knew it wouldn’t go platinum or cool like I wish I could achieve, but I wanted something more in the blond family. So I bleached it myself not being able to afford going into a salon. And only one spot on my head would bleach. So I waited a few days, carefully hiding the bleach spot, then got some 30 vol. developer and a very ice platinum hair dye so I could try again. This time it turned out alright. It’s a nice warm blond like I used to have in high school. In a few weeks I’m going to dye it again to see if I can make it any lighter, but I need to wait or I will royally fry my hair. Which is not what I’m going for. I also think before the next time I dye my hair, I need to get a haircut to put in layers and get rid of the split-ends. There is no shampoo or conditioner that can fix it at this point because it’s been over a year since the last time it was cut. That’s crazy! I used to be good and got it cut/dyed every three months. And that hasn’t happened in a long time. So haircut! We’re going to do that in March.
I also saw the return of the cycles for my bipolar disorder. And it’s come and gone over the years, but this time it was approaching as severe as back in high school. Now I’m not going to start back up my old addictions or anything like that, I am way too proud of how long it’s been since I last cut so there’s no way I would go back to that. But I can see the depressive cycle for sure starting to affect my daily life. I’m setting an appointment up for myself at the end of March to finally go back into the doctor and maybe go back onto medication. Even writing that makes my heart sink, but I rather have the chemicals in my brain that control my emotions under control then let them destroy my life. Granted saying that, by that point I’ll probably be out of the cycle or into a hypomanic phase.
I also decided to take a good hard look at the blog and decided I will no longer be doing monthly favorites. I didn’t feel that genuine in them anymore. They were generally just a recap of the things I got that month, but hadn’t used so much as I was restricting myself to go “oh that worked, I’ll throw that into the favorites ’cause I can’t say the same items over and over granted I use them all the time.” Plus I was starting to struggle with just what to even write or say in them. Plus now that I’m doing week in lipstick, I’ve been trying just to work in other things that I’ve been loving or using into those posts. Not to the same degree but for sure talking about things I liked or disliked about the lip product on those days. Since I haven’t really been wearing too much makeup over than some lipstick, eyeliner and mascara. I only use foundation on a day where my skin has just had it or when I’m filming. And all the other types of beauty products whenever I’m in the mood to doll up.
Several years ago I used to draw all the time, but recently just haven’t done any. So I decided to get back into it. And I really have been interested in getting into digital drawing. In order to do this I got a Wacom drawing tablet off of Amazon for $80 and downloaded a free program that I could use to draw into. Though I might just switch over to Photoshop since I know that program more, but I want to try the other program first. Mainly I’m going to be posting the things I draw onto Rose & Mae as to begin with I’m going to be taking inspiration from my favorite video games and movies to create drawings. But they will also be on my second Instagram account: Mae Polzine Art.
