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If you have been following me on social media, and happened to see any of my posts pop of in your feed (as I know several platforms mess that up) you will know I’ve been dealing with a depressive phase in my bipolar cycle. And it was a rather moderate-severe one, which is something I haven’t had in a while since switching off of medication almost four years ago. With this I honestly thought I was going to completely fall off the wagon and resume some of my old addictions. But I didn’t because of these items, and they have helped me return to a more stable ground though I know it’s only temporary and I need to go in to get medication again for my Bipolar Disorder.
This is a hobby I have done on and off since high school. And my skills have come a long way since then. Currently I’m working on a massive painting project where I’m updating/creating three paintings that are all similar called “Life Through Death.” One, the subject matter helps me focus all my thoughts to the canvas. Two, painting overall just helps me relax so I don’t have time to think about everything else. And three, I have some artwork in my room that all match so it doesn’t look like I just threw a bunch of random paintings up to fill the space.
I’ve had Pixie for almost four years now and she is a major reason my mental health is the way it is today. I don’t have any addictions anymore unless you count pop. Any time I start feeling down, Pixie comes over with a paw on my lap and the big puppy eyes that say come play with me instead. Which works, instantly I’m focused on entertaining my bug. Or taking her on a walk which clears my head.
When my house is a mess or looks unfinished in areas, it really puts my mind into the same mindset. Or if areas have been the same for too long that does the same. Which is exactly how I’ve been feeling about a large portion of my townhouse. So I rearranged my bedroom, and will be rearranging the office and possibly the dining room next. Plus I’m going to get a bunch of fake plants for around the place to bring some more life to it. Granted I know we’re moving in May and I don’t know what the size of that place will be. But in need some greenery! I think it will really help my mind out.
Something I used to do was beat myself up over my depression/bipolar disorder. But that only ever makes it worse. Accepting that I’m going to have periods where I’m going to be depressed, and I can’t control it. My brain just has a chemical imbalance that shows up at the weirdest or worst times possible. And part of accepting my disorder, is that I’m going to go back into the doctors (once I can find one) and get some medication to help me out since I can’t manage without it anymore. Especially since every cycle has been getting worse. So I’m accepting that I can’t do it all, and need a little help.